Diary

My mind is so refined, my bod should be too.

Another thing I like about Bob is the fact that we're more intellectually alike. And he has routines similar to mine. I could not really see living with him because he is not that great. There are some things about him that cut out that possibility. But the peace I felt with him was so great. It showed me more of what I want to be without making me feel inferior.

I guess I just want a bigger wider body, I have my height, and just need 20 more new pounts. I also want to practice more manliness in my character, namely integrity, accuracy of speech, brightness, self-knowledge. I have the capability. Now I need action.

I have discovered I like men not boys, not older boys. I like a male who is tall (my height!), has a good build and hair distribution, has some responsibility in life (is not a waiter, bartender or free-lance

designer but accomplished at his own endeavor to a level of responsibility) is easy to talk to, is fun, likes doing crazy things sometimes, doesn't pressure himself, likes me. To have that, I have to like myself. Right now I am displeased with my body, my lack of contact lenses, my lack of car. I supposed I should just continue to live as I am but start making improvements and expect to always meet appropriate people, and to have things timed exactly right. By God!

I simply like young men, who have responsibilities, my height with a good build, good face, pleasant, accomodating attitude; I appreciate then a finer body than in the past, and realize that I am happiest with people who do things, and live organizedly, yet easily.

Today I shan't forget. I felt so good on the way home. I learned some things that make me happy. To love and have that accepted. To do nice things and see them truly genuinely appreciated. The big things, I realized from this week are 6' 1", a build, responsibility, MANLINESS

Nov 16, 1975, Sunday, Albuquerque

My grade in Soc 143 came. A. Wow. That was a trip. I also have gotten an A in EE 191 ->my paper on Editx. So my grades are quite improved. I have not received a finalized transcript so I will not write my Pre-senior year resume. I will do that when it and the rest of my resume are typed and ready to insert in my folder. Right now I want to right about this year. And get it down. It is a year to remember!

My resume which I shall copy into here will be a good description of my life for all I want to remember of it until Senior year at Stanford in the fall 1974. It was all good and fun. But I should write a few personal thoughts on that period.

I felt very at home at Lakeside. I learned a lot, developed much, but was not all that social. I didn't discover love until the boat trip on the "Christian." Then I went to OSU and felt such great change in life that I felt very ill at ease. I wanted

to leave. I had good times at the campus Crusade retreats, and playing poker, and Pi Kapp parties, with George Kuchler and Clint Maurice, being thrown and throwing people into the pool, learning like never before, getting straight As, painting the room green. It turned out to be a comfortable year, but I was not excited, so I left for Stanford. But first I spent the summer in Portland working for PECO, Dick Christopher's company; I attended church at Holladay Park Ch of God and had a marvelous time, with the youth group there and esp with Dave Pomeroy whom I played tennis with endlessly. He was 26 and I was 20 but we still had very good times. I lived with Maurice's parents at 6701 SE Division, a good family, very happy. They were pissed off when they heard I was transferring but... I worked on EDITX and tried to get people to buy it but I had to wait till next summer to really go on it. I'm glad because I got a normal freshman and sophomore year under my belt. I started Stanford, living at the Phi Del all year. Good friends with Layne Rasmussen, Warren Jacobus, John Nabs

I started to come out Spring 1/4 which was beautiful but I couldn't quite make it. Not enough opportunity. I was trying to repress it too for Christian reasons. I had great fun with Donna Anderson, and we had many good times studying, the Spring Fling, San Fran, movies; now I wish I could meet a guy like here. Wow! The thought is mind boggling.

I "worked" in Vancouver, WA at TRW, sort of, a few hours a day, if that. I spent most of my time on EDITX or goofing off with Bill and Paul who were having troubles then, which I helped to mend. EDITX was in fine working order at the end of the summer. We developed contracts during the next 1/4 and waited for bugs which I fixed at Xmas time. I had good time water skiing, taking acid once, learning to impress.

I spent the next Fall finishing EE sequences, easily, and starting a study of Britain. Unfortunately I was also interested in disk jockeying CCC, central action group, AG leader, CAG social chairman, [cleaning?] my life, etc. that I fucked up