5 - April 1905

my connection with Columbia University. Modesty forbids me to mention my achievements there. Besides they are as dross to present remembrance. There was one bright spot, however, in my New York life, of which unfortunately I cannot speak. And besides there were some friendships; but the time went by too soon for their maturity. A genial London lady says I have no heart at all.

For a year I rested at the Normal College in Hamilton. Funny old place! Some profit-mingled with some melancholy and much roaring farce. You are how flat the world was to me till I came to the Western University? Here I have convalesced. Here kind hearts and manly young

faces and sweet young faces have given me a new life made my mad [? ? ?]. The clock ticks go off like kisses as Tennyson pubit [?]. For other days my father used to introduce me as his father. I was the tired man, the old man. Now you are. I am the youth. They guess my age anywhere from 18 to 25 - but between you and me its more than that. It's high time really that But let us get back to Goldsmith. He was a lucky man, I mean unlucky man, and you are lucky to be reading this beautiful Eighteenth Century prose. Five years ago I couldn't have understook the jokes, but now although I never can invent a joke myself I appreciate other men's efforts so much that even in telling ex-

plaining I must always laugh myself. Will you call me light of heart or light of mind?

[double line drawn] A complaint has been received from the milkman to the effect that owing to the darkness in the corridors he has narrowly escaped breaking his neck over an immovable couple who on closer inspection proved to be a diminutive miss and a mild-eyed, curly-haired youth. Either the darkness or the couple must be removed.

[double drawn lines] Hint to the Resident Tutor It's about time that the "Quaker Oats" smile should be taken off by "Force."

[bold THROUGH THE PHONOGRAPH[bold]

Now ladies and gentlement you shall have the pleasure of listening to an autobriographic speech by Professor Rev. Weltmer, the sage of Western University, who talks exclusively for our instruments - k-ch-ch-errr-eeyah - I suppose there is no one but knows that I am all wool and a yard wide (laughter and cries of "joke"). I don't mean my beard but my personality; not do I want you to go away with the impression that I am a sheep; what I mean is that I am a heavyweight, as all the world knows already. You may have heard the story how the newspaper reporter reported my saying of a certain [??]drally student who once came to my classes

that he was as mild a mannered man as ever stuck a sheep or cut a throat. What I really said was that he was as mild a mannered man as ever scuttled a ship or cut a throat - a very different matter. But as the student in question was a liar, a blackguard, and a scoundrel, I did not enter any protest. Now don't interrupt me with any questions until I call for them, Mr. Manley - Stanley I,I - where was I - yes, I want to be understood correctly when I am speaking about myself (hghgh). Dizzy used to speak of the opposition as a chain or extinct volcanoes - it's a pity they weren't and that that murderous unhanged scoundrel Gladstone broke into office again. Sometimes I think