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Normal College, July 14th 1853
Another week has passed, my dearest Mary, and I sit down to write you. It is such a pleasure to me to write you that I am always glad when the time comes; and if it was possible to write all the times I should enjoy it much. It seems something like talking to you, and that is my greatest earthly delight. I have written every week since you left - This being the fifth time. Have you rec.d all the letters?
The expedition from Moutsville will arrived her on Tuesday eve, with the exception of Pattie. She remained in Lex., and will come down with Gen. L. day after tomorrow I think. He had left word there, that if she wished to stay a few days with Aunt M., she could come down with him at the end of the week, as he was going up to the Railroad meeting at Salisbury; & I expect she thought he intended for her to remain anyhow, and so she stayed, Though she wished to come on. I was disappointed at her not coming very much. But I wasa worse dissapointed at not receiving a single line from you. Thro' some over-sight Pattie did not send my letter on, or else she has lost it, or something. James know nothing of it.
[left margin sideways] I am going to Greensboro' tomorrow to correct the proof-sheet of my address & for other things. The address will be out in a week or so and I'll send you one or two right-off. Various causes have delayed it. Brother James will go with me and take Stage for the University
He says Pattie handed him at Lex. your letter to Sis. Lizzie, but he saw nothing of any other. What has become of it I can't tell. I think when Pattie comes down I shall get it; as I expect the dear blessed girl detained it somehow or other. You wrote I know. For you mentioned that you were going to write, in L's letter. And even if you had not, I would have felt none the less sure of it, because my blessed Mollie loves me too well to treat me with neglect and indifference, such as it would have been had she failed to write. It is so poor a substitute at best for your presence, and there are so many hindrances to writing anything but a line or two when it has to be enclosed in someone else's letter, that I just know my dear Mollie would write me a long, sweet letter when she had so good an opportunity. Oh! would that I had it here this morning. I need its blessed words of love and kindness. Oh! what would I give for only one sweet word! -- Really, Mollie, I was sick with the disappointment. Evening after evening I had sat & listened for the distant rumbling of the coming vehicle that was to bring me a letter from my Mary. She had been gone many weeks and only one or two dozen lines had I recd. as yet, I was all impatience, and as I turned in eve after eve, and there was no news, it was with a sinking of heart. At length the cheery sound came, and I flew to get your letter. There was not one word
[left margin] Give my love to your Mother, and dear Lou & Till.
It was too much thus to be disappointed after so much impatience and anxiety, and so much certainty at last. "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick", is a true proverb, for I have experienced its truth too poignantly. Really for awhile I had no heart for anything. But then I began to hope when Pattie came — Tho' the delay is so cruel - I should get your letter. I am living now on that hope. Surely she has not lost your letter. Oh! haste, ye languid hours, and bring me the dear, sweet words of love from my hearts idol!
The Session is nearly out, and I am glad; for its labors have nearly prostrated me. My health is pretty good, except that incessant toil has exhausted me, and ceaseless grief at your absence preys on my heart. Vacation will improve me & relieve the effects of labor. But nothing can alleviate the latter. While you are gone, Mollie, my dearest blessed love, my heart can't but be sad. I know we'll meet again, if life lasts; and if not, will meet in Heaven. But oh! The lingering moments, now, drag along so wearily! I feel as if this unintermitted falling of the drops of care and regret, like water on the rock, is wearing my heart away, and furrowing it with deep lines of melancholy that it will take long to remove. But it must be so. Provdence wills it. It is for the best. - While I love you as I do, it can't scarcely be otherwise. But I will man myself up bravely, and bear it, whether difficult or
[left margin] God bless you, and bless you - and bless you, my blessed Mollie! Adieu! Mack Robbins
easy. Brighter days are coming. I can feast on the glad anticipation. Time flies, and soon my Mary will be mine "forever and foraye"! God speed the blessed day! It cannot come too soon!
You are well - that makes me so glad. I felt that Heaven was blessing my Mary, and it was indeed. If prayers incessant can bring rich blessings upon you, you will be good and well and happy!
When you write tell me how you like the folks and the place & everything about it. How you like the young gentlemen - and how they like you - and which of them you like best, and how well you like the best - etc. etc. - especially Warren Pedlow or Peddin Warlow (which is it?) - are all of them matters in which it is natural for me to be slightly interested and only slightly, I am happy to say.
My dearest Mollie, I must now close. This makes five long letters to you and I have recd only a few lines once. Oh! Mollie, one little word every week would so cheer me. I need it. Is it too much to ask from your kind loving heart? For I know, you do love me fondly and devotedly and faithfully my dearest Mollie, and I have no more doubt of it than that the sun shines. I delight in trusting my own Mary; - and the confidence I feel in her fills my heart with solid pleasure. Oh! is it too much to ask one or two sweet words every week? I leave it with you. Your pleasure is my law!
Direct your letters to Mollie Alford, and put a cross like this +, on the left corner at the bottom so I can tell them, and read them before night. - I mention this again for fear you may not get my last letter in which I mentioned this arrangement. I asked M's permission to do so. - I prefer this to enclosing
[right margin] because that always makes delay before I sent the letter, and I die with impatience.
Lexington Feb 8. / 53.
The first words that caught my eye on spying your letter were these "I wrote this with a heart bursting almost with love, and you must read it as such!! I thought from these words I was to have a perfect treat - read on a little - "thinks I to myself", what can all this mean, thought surely there must be something better, that it all could not be doubting, distrusting, suspecting me - but alas! the more I read the more perceptable were these doubts - till in utter despair I took up the beautiful and appropriate lines to look over them and see if I could not find some healing balm in these words. I did indeed feel much refreshed after reading them. I confess Mack I read your letter with mingled feelings of regret and surprise, regret that such mistakes, such misconstructions should be made, and I the (innocent) cause