ENPages
6
sorrow livin' or dead dat walks do earf. White folks fall over each other goin' to hear de Jubilee singers swing low in day Sweet Chariots. But I never listens no no' to darkies sing. I'se done wade over Jordan an' I's bad enough.
"De bes' one er dem spiritual hymns is Nobody Knows de Trouble I's Seen. Dat's mah favorite I reckon. Hit's mah good luck song too. You know ev'ybody has a good luck song an' a bad luck song. If you sings yo' bad luck song, you gwiner sink lower an' lower. While de swing of yo' good luck song will sorter insinerate itse'f into all you does, an' gradually promote you into prosperity.
"Yessum, I was singing' Nobody Knows one day, an' pilin' cross ties on a flat oar, when a passel of Gipsies pass in one er dem ole faslum vane. Day stop to watch us work, an' after a while de Chief he say to me. 'Come over here Black Man. I got some talk fur you.' Cose I wanted to hear what kind of talk hit was dat could make a white man call a nigger away fum his work. So I tole de boys to knock off fur a hour. Bein' de fo'man I could do dat you know. Den I went up to the Gispsy van. Hit was plumb full er chillun, dawgs, an' half starved, thievish lookin' mans an' wimmins dat lef' de van an' spill out on de grass when day soe me draw near.
"'All right Boss man,' I say to de Chief, 'what kind er talk you got fur me? 'Fears lak you are sellin' sumpin or you wouldn't be so friendly wid ollud folks. Lemme see some samples of what you got.
639
7
"Sho nuff dey was sellin' all kinds er lil trinkets, an' medicines to heal ev'ything fum ole age to to malaria-fluensa. Day was tellin' fortunes too. An dat's what kotch me. Yessum, dey tole mine. Hit come pretty straight too. An' dey only charge me fo'bits. Dey charge de others six bits dou' on account of dey wasn't so important as me.
"De gipsy Chief an' I talk as one head to another, an' while us dispose de topics of de times. I notice dat his lef' foot was swole, an' mighty red. He say hit t'was de remains of a ole lockjack attack, an' dat he didn't hope fur to git no better. Well, I tole him how to heal up dat 'fected foot. Yessum, I give him directions how to mix an' brew Jimson root, Pennyroyal leaves, sage, an' foxglove, an' to soak his foot in dat till hits well ergin. I tole him hit couldn't fail, 'cause hit never had. An' he was sho thankful. No'n, he didn't pay me nothin' - sactly, but he taught me how to tell fortunes. An' I's been independent ever since.
"I quit loading orcas-ties, an' move to Montgomery, whar I open a lil Shop as Herbdoster., Fortune-teller, an' Cunjure-man. I soon stop foolin' wid herbs dou'. Dey wahn't nuff money in dat fur me. [illegible] won't pay but half dollar fur no herb medicine. But dey'll spen' five or ten dollars fur to git somebody cunjured. Dey'll go on payin' too, munt after munt, yer after yer fur to keep dat spell fasten on some po'pussen what dey hates. I has cunjure cases dat's been runnin' fifteen yers or mo', an' day ain't out yit. In fac' a good cunjure case never is 640
-8-
out as long as de engager am got de money to pay. I has a nice lil income out of de palay, rheumatic pains, chills an' fever, coughin' fits, an' sudden misery what I sends on folks to pacify day enemies. Besides all dat, I charge fifty cents a week to keep de sickness on 'em after hit's one ketch belt.
"He'm, I don't look at hit dat way. Dis is mah perfession. Hit ain't no mo wrong dem a lawyer acceptin' money to keep a crook or a murderer fum bein' 'lectecuted; or a doctor curin' some mean ole debbil dat ought to die anyhow. I's done some harm I reckon. But I'se done some good too. I'se done a heep er good in fac' or ey wouldn't be gittin' ready fur me up in Heaben.
"Dey's makin' a place fur me on Golden Row in Heaben. Yessum, I's done got de word. An' I's fixin mah affairs so's I kin slip right out an' not trouble nobody but de angels. I's been a widderer twenty yers. But I'se got two daughters in de country. I done lef one er don mah fo' pos' bed, an' de pink silk cover you sees on it now, an' mah guilts over dar in de elevset. She gits de rockin' chers too. An' mah picture dat I had enlarge las' Ap'ul. I gwiner leave her some ins'uance too. An' a nice carpet, an' all mah cookin' pots an' pans, an' all de money I got in de bank. Hit 'eer se Chrisitna lak fur a man to leave property to his daughter instead ro willin' it to some fas' piece - or a wuffless widow. So I am leavin what I got to mah oldest an' bes' daughter.
"To mah other daughter I's willin' de hat-rack you sees out yonder
-9-
in de hall, as a reminder she ain't never hang her hat in mah house since she went outer hit wid dat no-count gamblin' nigger from Wilcox county. I'se had a fancy motto painted to leave her too; 'bout de serpent's toof an' de thankless chile. Dat's sho gwiner rile her temper. Sorter wish I could be aroun' fur to watch her rah an' pitch. Mebbe I'll see hit anyhow. Dey might has front seats in Heaben fur dem what wants to gaze down on dey relatives hile de wills dey lef' is read out to 'em.
"But I 'spec when all dat is takin' place I'll be flyin' 'roun, testin' mah bran' new wings to make sho dey didn't fit me out a size dats way too small fur me. I's a big man an' I needs a big pair er wings. I wants ev'ything big aroun' me in Heaben. Dis lil fo' room stucco house seem big to me when I fust come into hit. Now hits too small. I wants a big house in Heaben. I'm sho to have it too, or dey wouldn' be workin' droves or anels day an' night buildin' mah house. Dey's gittin' mah harp ready too. Jus' t'other day I hear ole Mr. Peter de boss man say, 'Gab'ul, chane dat harp fur Uncle Henry. S'posen he comes sudden lak, an' his harp ain't ready? Lawd hep us! Y'all triflin' critters wish den you had step mo' lively. Y'all will 'tend to yo' business mo' prompt I'se thinkin', when Henry's hyah to keep his eye on de back alleys or Heabem. I dan't watch ev'ybody all de time, an' y'all jus' natchelly takes advantage.
" 'In case I'se busy doin' sumpin else when Henry bus de bell, lemme
642
-10-
know at once, 'Mr Peter say, 'so's I can meet mah frien' at de gate. An' you Notifies. 'he says to a super angel-flunky, 'see to hit dat you 'nounces Uncle Henry, correct when he enters de po'tals. You clap yo' han's fur 'tention, an' you say, "M'lord ... Mr. Peter an' Paul ... ladies an' gent'mun of de Heabenly hosts, I presents Uncle Henry Bayamo' of Montgomery, Alabama. Receive him as nice as you know how.. An' do what you kin to make him feel at home. He's a great an' good man. Den you Sanctifies, what's got to approve de motion, you say, 'Amen to dat! An' de measure am carried, makin' Uncle Henry a full fledge citizen of de Celestial township known to ig'nant mortals as de Heabenly Home.
'No'm, I don't have no particular regret at leavin dis wicked ole sinsoaked worl'." Uncle Henry's glance fell condescendinly on the three apparently well to-do, well education, well meaning white ladies whose future he had discerned for them through the tall glass of clear water he kept on a table near a window curtained in crisp, pink organdy draperies.
He knew they regarded him as a foolish, meandering old Negro, paid to say so much - and no more. He knew they would laugh at him when they went away. He had no more doubt of that than of their return. For sooner or later, all of Uncle Henry's clients come back, bringing a friend or two along for company. All are there obviously to find out something. One is concerned about her health. Another fears financial losses. Others have enemies who are working against them.
643