Diary

Mon August 20, 1984 It is MIDSUMMER, and I have finished coding about half of the Personal Accounting project, the half that has to do with budget definition & budgeting. (It is similar in function to the shelved Personal Finance application for Multiplan.) I started to code in the week before going to LA (with my MAC) for July 4 week.

It's been a pretty dry summer socially but not bad. Just not like the last 2 summers where I had finished projects by July 1, and then had the summer for fun. This year I started coding July 1. But lots of things have been less fun this year:

Mom in hospital for foot ulcer Bob working hard developing practive Madison Park getting face lift Uncle Jim dying May 31

But the weather has been very good this year, this summer. But every time it rains I feel like I did last winter, and wonder if I can make it through this winter.

But since last writing in a journal, I've recuperated considerably from that dreadful February & March. Going to LA & SF twice each has helped, and I will examine [sentence higlighted in yellow up to -examine my feelings about them below.

But first I want to look at last winter. It had some up spots, but the last 2 winters have been generally very [inserted text- HARDLY!! NOT SO!!] unproductive for me. The first full winter here, in '83, was not felt so much because I was engrossed by the stock market for half of it (Oct-Mid Nov & Mid Feb-Mar) And then I felt like winter hadn't even passed when I sort of woke up from hibernation April 15, '83.

But last winter was different. I was depressed a lot. It got to me more. It ruined my relationship with Bob, because it takes my energy & wit away. It makes me groggy & soggy.[sentences highlighted in yellow from-ruined to soggy] But not til about mid December. But that's only half way through.

But what about long-term here in Seattle. I don't want it. I'm not having much fun or being loved by someone I wake up with everyday whom I love. And when the whether[lined out with inserted text above-weather] gets bad, when it gets to be fall AGAIN, I'll want to split, or else be morose.[text highlighted in yellow from -when to split]

I'm not letting this summer fool me like last summer did, but that's appropriate since this is a work summer. This winter may be a play winter, or simply a time to do all the things I want to, things that will improve me. [the word winter is highlighted in yellow and then from-do to end of sentence]

The key then is just to get the programming all done by October 1. That will be strange since the last 2 Autumns I've been putting pressure on myself to work. This coming winter may be very different indeed, as I learn Japanese, travel, get my accounts onto computer for once & for all.

But the ultrakey thing is not to get involved in any new projects at Microsoft. Don't put pressure on myself, because I want to get away from it.

Most of all, don't think I can get power, by acquiring other products for Microsoft. The only products I've done well on are things I've cared about. I can't program nyself to get excited about Project Manager, Flight Simulator, a Business Game, etc.

I can't do management [inserted above- or DESIGN] until I have [highlighted in yellow] 1) a home & geographic roots (inserted above- Get these first) 2) better climate for high- pr?ss?re job 3) friends & a lover [previous 1-3 bracketed and line drawn to top of page with added text reading5/89 I must have thought these would allow me to develop sufficient social skills to be able to manage.][ highlighted in yellow} Where can I get these? [highlighted in yellow] Well, I've been traveling to SF & LA a lot lately and what can I decide? They are the only choices since I should stick to the West Coast, and those are the only cities with fun gay gyms, etc.

LA

The real question for any move is what do I want to do there? LA's big plus is the cute hunky guys. But after you meet them. what do you[circled and word I underlined is inserted]do with them? There's no countryside to drive out to, no mountains nearby to hike in, although there are s?me big hills. [sentence enclosed in red box and line drawn to top of page with inserted text- 8/85: I should do more fun social things,[date and phrase highlighted in yellow] not ABQ type things from now on. LA has shows, comedy, etc.] And there's palm springs, but I wouldn't want to make a habit of it. The beaches get boring, even in Laguna.

On the last trip, I kept asking "Is there a nice part of X" where X= { Silverlake, Venice, Culver City} to which Jorge would always answer "You're in it." [ paragraph has red box drawn around it with side note inserted- still true 8/85. Red line drawn to bottom of page with text inserted- But West Hollywood is fune to start with, and have Bev. Hills as a goal.]

Which brings us to the people there & how to meet them. Jorge was very good for me living in Santa Monica, but now he'll be in Silverlake. I liked Santa Monica. It's very different from most of the Coastal towns. Incidentally, when I say LA, I mean just 405 to LaBrea & Olympic thru Beverly Hills. Santa Monica is too far from gyms, bars, friends