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I thought Pet would have thrown me over her head - she tripped over a log. We reached home at 1/2-7 - quite dark. However it was an enjoyable ride ~ & an exciting one. Always feel better after a ride. Must get a horse of my own - before long too. It's a nuisance being so dependent upon everyone. Lovely day. 12th. Saturday. Another perfect day. What a difference from last Sat. Gave lessons this morning at the Hall. Went over early to the Store & got butter for Ma. Found that Mr. G. with Katie & Elsie were going to town so they took it to leave at Marsh's. Practised some. Heard a bit of news & received a shock which has done me a deal of good. Whilst sitting with M. on the verandah we were talking about the qualities of mankind & said I Tom G. has a good face so had Bob. Says she why didn't you have B. Said I he never asked me. says she He did ~ says I - No. Says she well if you had gone on writing he would. I heard he asked you & you wouldn't have him. Poor chap - is that what they thought. I said He never came to see me when I was in Brisbane. Our "boys" arrived in due time. Mr. Barke - Mr. West - Mr. Nightingale & D. - here - & 3 to Mr. James. They all came over with the girls to spend the evening. We had a fairly nice time. D. didn't neglect me. We said bon soir on the quiet & I retired 13th. Sunday. Up early this morning & to the river for an hour - lovely day - Didn't sleep much last night ~ new disturbance - made up my mind I'd write to Bob & ask him to write again as herebefore. Wrote to night. Hope I've done right but feel bit better now I've done it. Have suddenly woke to the fact that that was the blessing sent me & I refused it ~ cast it from me - a good man's love - Oh I do hope it may be all right. He can only say me nay. wont mind. He certainly has[underlined] cooled down - treated me today with a very calm air today. I just talked away to the others quite freely too. We went for a walk to the river. They intended going to the Cedars but D. either misunderstood or didn't want to go without the other girls ~ because they[underlined] wouldn't go he never troubled & we lost our ride. However got over the time somehow I wrote to Ma & D. took it. He won't trouble much if I get another boy - he's not that sort. But perhaps B. has changed his[underlined] mind too - but I think not. Felt queer a bit today. That boy has an influence over me another yet had. They all left at 1/2-5 - he bade me good bye quite coolly. I told him I'd be in this Sat. so he said he'd come up but dear knows if he will. 14th. Monday. Feel not nice to day. Got K. to post my letter this morning. W. saw it after my telling her not to let him. May the blessing of God go with that letter for it is the 'Last Hope'! Don't you feel quite so bad now it's gone but still the old feeling arise sometimes 15th. Tuesday. Heard some secrets last night. Miss Heale was over for the night & she & N. slept in the spare room & I heard couldn't help it - She was here for breakfast. She's a [inserted line] Got letter from S. M. tonight. We - M.J.S. & I went over to the Office - S. is very pleased for us to come nice sensible girl. I like her. She came over tonight to say Good-bye - she seems an affectionate girl too. She & F. Gibson are going down tomorrow - so is M. - she goes to Brisbane for a month to see the doctor about her hearing - it's well to be her yet I wouldn't have her discontented mind - if I could be as I used I'd be real contented 16th. Wednesday. Mrs. Greathead & a friend here for dinner - We have shifted our quarters A man is going to paint the Hall so I suggested that we might go up to Wilde's till he was finished. Got our things taken up this morning - except the piano - it comes tomorrow. It's lovely up there - clean & cool - & a change too - We may stay till Easter. we have the dining room & back bedroom. Bob will get my letter tonight. I'm praying that he may regard it is the light I wish. But I'm not worthy to be listened to. M. & the girls went down this afternoon. 17th. Thursday. It's so pleasant up there. Feel better too than down there at the Hall. Up early all this week. Want to finish my tray cloth for Saturday. Wonder if its going to be true this time. Looks threatening again.

17th. Friday. Busy day. Got lessons given. Looks like rain again. Suppose it'll bring usual luck - wet ~ 18th. Saturday. Was going down by train this morning but Sam was ready first as I was leaving the Office so I saved the train fare & went with them. At the Office kept some money & what a time I had with Mr. Barclay & Mr. John. They teased me wholesale ~ about going to town - so often - I was glad to get out - Mr. J. evidently noticed a thing or two. Mrs. G. wanted me to go with Mrs. W. to Macleod's & choose a present to Miss Jones of Tegege who is to be married next Wednesday - W. wished me to choose a book for him too. So after I got home ~(Sam drove me to Targo St. bridge) about 1/2-11 had dinner & went down town to wait for her - paid Mac. £1 off his account - he had nearly finished my watch I sent down for him to see - smashed it up somehow - won't have it till next week sometime. Mrs. W. came along & we chose a toast rack & butter basin in one & I got a lovely Tennyson at Young's for 13/- instead of 16/6 Felt restless & unsettled as night come on not knowing whether D. would come or not - he said he would so I fully (almost) expected him - but he came not - wicked thing - It started a drizzle about 7.30 but surely that never kept him. If he wants me to forget him & cease to care for him he's going the right way about it - by neglect - Good mind to write & tell him he needn't think of me more. Glad little mother is here - I tell her all - he might have let me know anyway. If he couldn't come - he's going to play cricket this afternoon. Perhaps he understood from Mrs. W. that I was going home with her & her sister-in-law - they went back with Sam. (she seemed quite surprised that I wasn't going back - she understood I was. but anyway he shouldn't listen to tales - I told him I was coming in - that was enough. Believe D's going to be another repitition of last time for rain. Feel positively wretched again 20th. Sunday. Hardly slept all night. Rained all day. This rain must be sent for my benefit surely - to prevent me from something. Wretched day. nearly as bad as the past days Dear little mother. What should I do without her loving comfort & counsel. Feel on the verge of unbelief. Why should I be tossed about like this. Should B. write as I hope. it will be different - but if not ~ then I'm a Christian no longer. What's the use. I'll have Herbert & do as I please. Am not going to waste any more thought over D. anyway. He not worth it - unkind thing Little Alf better - still in bed. Joe not doing anything tho'. neither is Will - What a nice prospect for me for tomorrow morning 21st. Monday. Up at half past 3. It was pitch dark as we came along - & muddy - not raining : It was just turning light as the train left the station. I went 2nd. class - Wont be in again till Good Friday - then we go up at night to Eagle Farm. When I got to the Station saw noone there to meet me so set off & walked. Had not gone far before Andy Hodge & Tom picked me up with the truck. It wasn't raining much & no wind. Mrs. W. & her sister in law were here - they went home this morning. Cannot realise it yet. It seems too good to be true - My boy - whom I treated so unkindly[underlined] for it was so - there was a letter awaiting me when I came out to breakfast - Katie handed it me with a knowing smile - It had come on Sat. night. How thoughtful of him - he had answered it. straight away - just like him. Such a nice kind letter - not a word of reproach - No he had not[underlined] changed to me - not one bit & would be only too pleased to hear from me again. I said to myself as I read it (couldn't wait even to have my breakfast - thought it must be good[underlined] news or it wouldn't have come so quickly) "Thank God. I'm saved" - It seems too good to be true. I'm not worth it - The dear Lord has forgiven me! I asked for this token & got it - now I'm glad once more - & happy as it's possible to be after what I've gone through. To think he now hasn't changed! Wrote to him tonight telling him all about my part - told him not to listen to tales M. might let drop something. Do hope he'll take it all well. 22nd. Tuesday. Feel quietly happy : Can't realise it yet. forgiven & not forgotten[3underlined] & he's a dear good fellow & I pray the dear Lord that nothing may come between to take this love from me. Raining all day. Doesn't promise well for "Easter." 23rd. Wednesday. Raining again. I didn't go home these two days for dinner. 24th. Thursday. Cleared a bit. Turned out nice night. Noone went in from here. I didn't care whether I went or no. would just as soon not. Feel more like my old self these days

24th. Friday. Wrote to Ma. Told her about B. She'll be glad. 26th. Saturday. School today. Getting extra time for Easter. Will be able to have a whole week now. Glad. Feel tired tho' with the 6 days teaching. One good thing noone disturbs us up there. This had been a happy week. what a relief after the 7 miserable ones I've had. 27th. Sunday. Nice quiet day. It rained some today & lots last night - noone went to church. Mr. Ellison turned up to dinner. Poor man he had gone up from town yesterday & then out there this morning to preach to a handful. I had a nice day - restful - what a change - may the Lord keep me from having any more like the past. Read & slept & went to church at night & played. 28th. Monday. Up at little after 6 ~ want to get my reading & prayer before bath ~ then an hour's sewing before 8 - Suppose I can't keep it up long - Wrote to S & Mam & wonder will B. answer mine this week. Hope so. Raining again - not home for dinner. 29th. Tuesday. My room has been shifted this last week. Much more comfortable - Bed in different place - Must make this little corner a little sitting room when I've time. Nice dear letter from Ma. Mr. E. thinks he never saw me looking better. That's good - see what a little love does for me. Went to Office this morning. Paid board to March 17th. 30th. Wednesday. Mr. G. went to town yesterday. Came back tonight Says Dave has been appointed Manager of the Dairy. So ~ it's not much I'll see of him now - he won't look at me after this - will think himself too big. Feel bit queer again tonight. My old feelings stirred up - no letter from B. yet I'd like to know how took my last. Can't rest now until I know. Love grant that all may be well. If he fails[2underlined] me - then goodbye to trust in everything human or divine. Going but as he said nothing as the day went on I gave 31st. Thursday. Mrs. G. went to town to be there for Easter. W. said he would be it up. Don't care - better for me not to see in[underlined] 1st. April Friday. Busy day. W. & Mr. went to town only Elsie & I here for dinner & tea - they all came home before dark - that's why W. didn't go last night - he had to go today. Mrs. G. says they sang better than last time. Evelyn knocked my glassed behind the piano today - it's s wonder they were not smashed - the frames are all bent & they hurt me. 2nd. Saturday. Elsie's birthday today so I gave only this morning's school Got my things ready this afternoon - Lovely day - yesterday too - I'm up these [...] mornings at 6 - read Bible & Highways. Was feeling rather cast down yesterday morning - somehow think that B. might have answered my letter before this - but on reading the lesson : 16th. of John 22nd.23rd. & 24th. verses was very comforted - the other book too was so nice - Must trust[underlined] - Letter from Ma last night. She wants us to take Elsie up to Eagle F. I wrote & asked her to write herself - they might get it in time. Have had nice day. Rob. G. came tonight 3rd. Sunday. Church this morning. Played. Nice lot there. W. asked Tom to go with him to town this afternoon. Jean S. too. There's neither church nor S.S. in the Hall - the painter is there. I was very pleased to go. We left at 1/2-3 - got down at 5 - I got home at 1/4 past - they went on to Boreham's. I was glad to see the little mother. Will Ma & I went to church. Saw them all there - seat-full - just opposite us. I stopped bit saying Goodbye & speaking a few. Then joined the others - just had time to shake hands twice with D. & we were off. - looked surprised to see me. We left ferry at 9. & got home at 5 past 11 - not bad - 1 1/2 hrs. Lovely drive. I enjoyed this. 4th. Monday. Up early as usual. Feel all better for my little trip. 5th. Tuesday. Sent my glasses to Macleod. Expected them up tonight but they came not. Got my[underlined] letter instead. Thought perhaps I hadn't written as I ought & he didn't like it. This[underlined] was rather cool & just friendly[underlined]. Perhap he doesn't mean anything after all. Well I've given him to see that I think he does[3underlined].

6th. Wednesday. Miserable day without the glasses - not well either. Got through somehow. Will be very busy tomorrow. Tewty's for dinner yesterday a Mr. Fletcher came last night. Good thing I just had done the flowers! 7th. Thursday. Real busy day - gave 7 lessons besides school duties. Finished up nearly at 9 tonight then went & packed up. W. went to Maryb. today. Miss F. Schmidt the great singer sings in M. tonight. He wanted to know if I'd be back by Tuesday so as to go & hear her here. But I care not my holiday is of more importance. 8th. Friday. Up at 6 sharp this morning went up to the house & gave Evelyn & May their lessons before breakfast. Got ready after & went over & got paid for Ray's quarter - just enough to take us up Young Angus came home last night. he, Rob & Tom are going to Watana today to play in a match tomorrow so, as the girls will be going to town tomorrow there'll be a quiet house. Dave is going to Childers & Maryb for the Easter to play in cricket there .. Got home at 1/4 to 11 - quick this morning - no waiting early train of course. Ivy met me & we walked home. Rested & got things together & went & saw little Alf - he's a pup ~ shadow but is not so bad as he has been they say. Elsie comes with us - it will do her good. We went up to the station at 1/2 past 3 - & had the pleasure of waiting till 1/2 past 7!!! for the train to start She came in from Maryb. at 10 past 7. It was horrid. We got to Annandale an hour behind. It was a lovely moonlight night - a perfect night. She did[underlined] spin along too as hard as she could go. We went 2nd. class & were fairly comfortable. John was there with the buggy - he had been waiting an hour. We arrived at the Farm at 12. Sarah met us & we had supper. 9th. Saturday. Tired today. rested - didn't get up till late. Went for stroll along cultivation paddock. Feel bit choky. It is nice & restful here. Rose's boy is a fine fellow - very like C. too - his namesake. 10th. Tuesday. Easter S. We had a lovely quiet day. Sang in the afternoon. It rained some this evening. Elsie enjoys herself & looks better already 11th. Monday. Wrote to Edith this morning. It was her birthday last Sat ~ I forgot it Were going for a bathe this morning but left it too late. Had nice ride instead on "Prince" down to Radcliffe's. Thought of the last time I rode along that road & the hole where the water-lilies grew - where he[underlined] gathered some for me the first day we "understood each other" It seems strange that things should be so different - we might be such friends still. I won't go there for anything - if they want to see me they'll have to come here. 12th. Tuesday. Heard some funny things today that Mrs. T. said about me. Pooh! my troubles! it is just as I expected. I knew perfectly well she would say such things. It would serve her right if he went & took someone she really would have cause to trouble over. Kate here for instance tho' she wouldn't be half a bad sort. I knew all along she came between us. Hope she'll live to regret it tho' 'tis unchristian-like to say so. Rose is funny too - she seems so strange with the family & to us too. Suppose she's jealous at our being here but indeed I'll keep clear of H. so will Ma. We stayed in all day washing-day. Just strolled out after the calves this evening I went in for a bathe on my own account this morning before breakfast. It was nice too - not bit cold. Had singing tonight. Going to see Eunine S. tomorrow 13th. Wednesday. Had early bathe again this morning. S. & I started for Eunine about 12 o'clock or so. It was pretty hot & we took our time & got over about 2. Couldn't find an entrance for a while but at last had to scramble up the hill - such a high one on the top of which their house is built. a nice large place. Eunine was up & well - the new baby - a girl is a pretty child. We stayed about 2 hrs. E. thinks Alice is expecting Ma up

for her event which takes place in June but Ma doesn't want to be away from me at midwinter. We got home about 6 - must have gone nearly 20 miles passed Heidelberg - brought back old times & recollections to see it but don't feel so bad over it as I thought. 14th. Thursday. John invited us to go out stockriding with him this morning so we went over the river towards Paradise & drove home some calves for branding. It is so lovely & green over there & we felt strangely tempted to get off & bathe crossing the river near the bridge .. Got home at 1 - pretty hot coming along. Had a nice bathe after 4 but I was scared of the depth & the current - it was strong & the river bottom uneven. feel so refreshed after it - there must be something peculiar in the flood water. Mrs. Radelizz came over to see them this afternoon 15th. Friday. S. & I made an excursion to Boyne Island - Wyndham's - today. John wanted us to out stockriding with him again but I thought we might not get such a good chance again & the tide suited so we started about 12 - took us some time to get there as it was hot but it was lovely riding along - everywhere is so fresh & green. The river was quite dry as we crossed over. We passed Lilley's - Hillcob's from Thornhill live there now. Miss Harrison was married the other day & the rest of the family moved to town. Wyndhams were away in town but the Kanaka there gave us some mandarins for nothing & we got some nice oranges from off Dawson's trees .. Went down to the beach for a while - I remembered that spot. What a pity things should have changed so & he[underlined] too - what happy days those were. We were afraid of staying too long on account of the tide so set out with our handkerchiefs full of oranges - we had to travel a bit till we got over the river - we were not a minute too soon as the water was up to the saddle flaps - I feel scared but happily there was no current - we had to cross 2 places the same depth. Got home at dusk. Rose went over to H. this morning & took Elsie with her - she came along as we did out of H. gates. Mrs. T. & Esther were down opening them but as soon as they could they turned & trotted up the hill - that settled the matter for me - I was in two minds whether to go over & speak or not. So - things have settled into - so - well I don't care much. Told S. all about it. Had little music tonight. Got my things ready. Start off in the morning with John - Would like to stay another week now - I've had such a nice happy time. Ma & Elsie stay till next Sat. 16th. Saturday. Up at 5 this morning. Breakfast & off with John at sunrise He left me at the station - train came along about 1/4 past 7. The guard said I'd better take on my ticket to B. & send it back again from there to prevent any [...] [...] as there might be a stranger there now. We got down to B. at 1/2-11 - quick work. I showed it to young Foster Mrs. Haigh's young man who is acting station master - a nice chap - he told me about it first - he said he'd make it all right & read back another ticket so I wrote to Ma this afternoon telling her. Hope it will be all right. Willie & Ivy were there to meet me. Went & saw Alfie - he looks lot better - fatter - went down town on my way to the station & met Alf W. he was "funny". Told me Dave was thinking of going up - but he didn't just caught a glimpse of him as we passed - suppose he couldn't get off. All the girls went up with me .. When we got home there was a 'party' on in honour of Rob & Angus. They are leaving again Monday. Mr. & Mrs. Ellison here too. I felt very tired 17th. Sunday. Played morning & evening. Rested this afternoon. Read Marriage & Heredity - some that B. recommended. Ma had it so I got it out of the drawer yesterday. It's on ideal marriage - just any ideal[underlined] but oh how many practise it - What a different world this would be. Stayed for communion tonight. W. too