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Had it sent me - enjoyed it too. Roads very sloppy. Little mother sent me eggs & a piece of social cake - Nous avions un autre bon temps dans la chambre ~ Mais il se comportais avec trop de liber[underlined] - Il faillais[sic faillait] que j'en parle ~ Il dit que pour quoi Il n y avail pas de mal et il ne m'aimerait pas tout si je ne lui donne quelque ~ avec moi - Je ne sentais malheureuse - vraiment il m'aime et c'est pourquoi - comme J - qu'il voulait me montrer quelque 'signe d'amour' comme il le[sic] appelle mais Non - C'est tort pour moi - il dit "si j'etais religieuse il avait tort" - vraiment - alors il a tort - Jamais!! - j'ai taut[sic] de respect pour moir-même. Pourquoi est - il arrivé jamais je n'ai croye[sic croie] qu'il etait comme ca." 4th. Friday. Cleared some - Quel jour étrange! ou nuit etrange. Nous passions le soir dans la même ~ mais quelle experience! vraiment il me rendre malade quand j'y pense, comme j'ai peur - il me restait content de quelque librement mais Dieu sait vu il aurait s'arrêté si je n'avais pas eu la grâce et fortement me donnait pour l'occasion. Je le rendais tranquille dans un moment ~ l'etait trop pour lui - Jamais je ne le permettrais encore il n' avait pas raison du tout de ma part- oh que je suis bien aîse que je me montais fort, dans l'heure de tentation - pauvre garçon il avait honte - je le pitiais - Il me dit que j'etais plus que d'aîmié[last words underlined] - il a des idées de quelque chose de plus mais je lui dit all the other affair but he says as ever he does change he will come & tell me if possible - he wouldn't forget me but might grow cold. Ah well ~ I know it will be only a case of time to cure him of it. 5th. Saturday. Mr. & Mrs. G. went to Watana yesterday afternoon - Tom Gillies surprised us by his appearance - he stays till Monday. been to see his girl. We had a nice day to ourselves here - W. went to town too - going to stay till tomorrow & bring up Miss Stupart - Who should appear on the scene after tea but Mr. & Mrs. Tunly - She to stay for a month - he's going North - ils nous empêchaient de nous enjouir ce soir. We had a quiet time this afternoon. 6th. Sunday. Church this morning - hot & muddy. D. had a queer fit on all morning & wouldn't speak to me. I got over him however after dinner - he was all out of sorts with everybody. I put him right soon - he goes to town next Wednesday or so - Poor me - I'll feel it - We went not to church tonight ~ sat out on the verandah in full view of everyone till not very late - folks seemed determined to distrust us so I went to bed. 7th. Monday. Miss Stupart came up last night with W. from town We had music &c. & D. put out the drawing room lamps religiously at 1/4 past 9. gave Miss S. warning to quit the side verandah which they did gracefully. We retired then au dessous de la maison dans un assis qu'il avait preparé. Il me faisait ceder - que je sentais mal puvais il [accrait?] sa volonté ~ dit - il pour une fois seulement - et c'est la derniere nuit, peut-être - demain soir je serai à la ville - vraiment il peut me faire ce qu'il veut - j'ai perdu toute honte - 8th. Tuesday. Quel jour de mon souvenir - Jamais j'ai oublierais - peur à Dieu qu'il pouvait erase de ma vie mais non - c'est decrite dans ma memoire comme le feu - Vraiment il fallait que Dieu me quitter ~ Nous s'assîmes dans la meme place ce soir et alors dans au a chambre - All the rest went into town to

the Social. D. & I had a short ride to the Cemetery & back - & we kept Mrs. G. company till 9 - then retired - to ~ jamais puis - je me pardonner ~ Que nous passâmes le temps jus qu'a ~ heures (ce le vie - ci) il me faut que ([blank space]) dire ~ Malheureux - malheureux. 9th. Wednesday. He left this morning as the day wore on I got more wretched ~ seem to have come to my senses ~ more meilleur moi-même - Shall I ever forget it - Il semblait malheureusse aussi ce matin - Qu'ai - je fait - qu'ai - je fait - Dieu - grâce pour moi ~ je pleurait et pleurais - à quoi bon. 10th. Thursday. Plus malheureux qu'heis - qu'ai - je fait - que. j'étais-je ~ Je sens aussi mal pour me noyier - Je veux que je selan dans la rivière ~ comme je croyars que je seulerais couceue ceci sooner or later - Don't know how I got through the day - ma memoir est levi faow me tourmenter. C'est ma pussetion Mais que de mal je lui ai fait-moi- qui voulais le faire tant de bien - Dieu ayait [?frite's] de moi - Have made up my mind to lui écrire et le demande de venir me voir Samedi soir ~ Wrote to Ma & sent it in cover to her addressed in a bad handwriting - Perhaps I may feel better after that. We must part if he cannot meet me sans cela. 11th. Friday. Wretched night - no sleep - Posted my letter myself this morning - he'll get it tomorrow afternoon - Feel better now it's gone - Will never feel heureux encore - jamais il n'oublier - jamais je ne puis me[underlined] pardonner - j'ai perdu mon [...] - ma toute 12th. Saturday. Rained like fun last night & didn't threaten a bit in the evening. However nothing was going to stop my going in ~ Kate & Elsie came too - we got a ride over in the baker's cart - dry - Got down earlier than usual. Saw D. at the Dairy & waved to him - Ma & I went down town & were glad & thankful to get home again - my poor little mother - Bless her - elle sait que peu que sa pouvore fille fille est malheureusse - et [...]. Serai - je jamais être pardonné. I told him to whistle a familiar tune so after waiting a while I heard "When the Wind blows" & came out ~ there he was - didn't think he'd come ~ if he had the same feeling envers moi as I had envers moi-même - he never would. However he was very kind to me ~ il a été malheureux mon pauvre garcon so we both can sympathise - I thought perhaps 'twas best not to see one another but he says. Jamais[underlined], so I was very very glad to hear it - I rather think he feels he'll change towards me now - We had a good long talk & I felt a lot better - but should it come to parting ~ poor me - I'll be the one to suffer - told him I must never see him if I[underlined] have to forget - says he couldn't make head nor tail of my letter - felt miserable after reading it - we had a short walk round the fence but it threatened rain too much. Feel I shall never be forgiven - shall never forgive myself - never 13th. Sunday. Stayed home all day. Very hot. Came on raining at night. Shall I get back tomorrow morning. Little mother comforted me very much. Slept last night peacefully. What a miserable day I'd have had up there today. Will away at Isis. 14th. Monday. Couldn't start till 2 p.m. About 3 this morning & before it came to rain & threatened a shower. I gave up all thoughts

of starting out - then at 4 it cleared - too late then - felt so mad. Can't be helped. Will have to make it up on Saturday. As we were waiting on the platform he came along with another man - didn't stop to speak - passed on. I felt hurt. Suppose he doesn't consider me good enough to speak to in public or else he expected me to hop up or perhaps he didn't like to as Mrs. Lees was with us. Anyhow he might have stopped to speak to me. It was threatening rain all along to Bingera & started raining as soon as I got home : It had been raining all day here & was fine in Bund. They thought something had happened to me when I didn't turn up this morning. Felt very miserable again tonight. 15th. Tuesday. Another miserable day & night last. Not much better than last week. Oh that I could undo the past. Got letter from Curtis last night wanting to know Jim's address & whether I would sell my land. I wrote back No W. Letter from Ma tonight wrote to her & Herbert. She was much troubled. It seems they telephoned to know what had become of me to A. W. & he went over to Marsh - he sent up to Ma. just after we had gone. They surely must have thought I'd eloped or got into mischief of some sort. That accounts for D's appearance yesterday. He must have thought I'd kept to my threat (as he thought) of not going back again. 16th. Wednesday. Feel better today. Feel I've been forgiven. Am not allowed to give any more music lessons here. Mrs. G. objects. Just what I thought would happen. These kids are dreadful these days. Don't know what to do with them - they're that lazy. Very hot today - close & choky. 17th. Thursday. Another hot day but not so bad as last. We had a party tonight. Roebuck's & the new brother. Florrie Rouland. the other Gibson. & Miss Scott &c. We had a nice time but I did miss him. 18th. Friday. No word whether D. is coming up tomorrow or no. These folks are going to Watana. tomorrow night. They never asked me. Well I couldn't go to be back for school Monday. If D. had been here we could have ridden. Saw by the paper that Mrs. Hunt is dead. This morning awoke with such a horrid dream. Thought Ma was lying beside me dead[underlined] had died in her sleep - If anything happened her life wouldn't be much to me. 19th. Saturday. Had school till 10 - then music lessons till after 12 - better I should be kept busy. Was going out for a ride this afternoon but those folks over the way took the horses. I went down with them to the Siding. No D. came - felt ~ don't know how. He might have let me know that he wasn't never thought how I[underlined] might feel - he's not worth wasting tears over anyway or thoughts either strikes me - only for that other hideous nightmare I'd put him clean out of my thoughts but I do[underlined] want to undo some of the mal. that I've caused - Shall I ever be happy again. Wish I were away from here. This place is hateful to me now - Alf W. helped to spoil it for me now. D. completed it. Why was it thus & I could have been so[underlined] happy here. How shall I put in this year. Won't come back for next unless I get more pay if I've got extra to teach especially. Perhaps I won't be wanted after this year. Hope not. It's the only thing that will cure me - a thorough change - 20th. Sunday. All alone in my glory. another miserable day - shall I ever be happy again. Something must be wrong - I get fits of depression - feel wretched some moments - then better next - must have been the disturbance in my mind those days last week. Must try to shake it off or I'll be ill. Always think of Nell - What a nice time we would have had if he'd come today. Am going to give him some of my mind

when he comes. Mr. Powell here for dinner. I played this morning. He told us Mr. Curtis was dead ~ gone ~ poor man - I'll never see him now - may he be rewarded for his kindness to me that time. Poor Mrs. C. she'll know now what real trouble means. They'll miss him in the church: Wrote straight away to Ma. Poor little mother - feel concerned about her now - must go down next Sat. I think. Don't care whether D. comes or not. She has the first place in my affection no matter how they may wander around. 21st. Monday. Slept all right last night ~ didn't feel so bad this morning Glad this Monday morning a work day. Work is[underlined] a blessing ~ it helps to cure one half life's evils sure enough. Had good violin practice this afternoon. Got note from D. saying he thought I'd gone to Watana Sat. so didn't come - would come next ~ he might have known I wouldn't go when I knew he was coming ~ well he has missed a good chance ~ we could have had a lovely time yesterday. He was ashamed of us seeing him in his working clothes that day on the platform. Silly thing ~ I saw him often enough in working clothes here. Raining pretty much again 22nd. Tuesday. Raining again. Letters from dear little Mother & H. poor old chap - he's not a bad sort - hasn't evidently altered his opinion of me yet I might do worse yet than take him. He would be fond of & good to me I'm sure. Little Mother's letter full of good advice & counsel. 23rd. Wednesday. Up early these mornings & to bed early at night. Must start tomorrow morning with cold bath. Looking forward to Sat. & my boy again. 24th. Thursday. Raining every day yet. sick of it ~ do wish it would clear. Wrote to Ma saying I wasn't coming in this Sat. Feel well these days. 25th. Friday. Clear today. meant to out for ride yesterday afternoon but as usual was disappointed. Will had asked for Laddie to take Miss S. for a ride - was going Monday too but it rained. Wish I had a horse of my own - & be independent ~ Believe I'll ask D. to see about one for me. May G. came home last night ~ she didn't come today. Leslie is going with Mrs. G. to Pialba tomorrow Joy! Harold is going to the Kolan school next month - one is plenty of those two 26th. Saturday. Lovely day. Up at 6 all these mornings & cold bath. Gave lessons over at the house this morning. Poked round all day. They all went down to town except Mrs Truely. She & I kept each other company. I like her, she's real sensible - what a pity I lost B. Can't help it now. I'm not good enough for him now. She was much disturbed at not getting any news of her hubby but today she got word that there were 2 letters waiting in the P.O. & later on that he was coming up by train tonight so after tea when we had gone over to look at the cricket match we 2 went down to the Siding again. Another disappointment awaited. No Dave! he has to work tomorrow - the cream only came in today. He wont relish that I know - felt real bad - it's only what I deserve tho'. I might have gone down town after all I suppose he couldn't help it but he might have written tonight. A. W. coming up tonight & Mrs. W. tomorrow with Mr. G. who goes to town to preach. Mr. Ellison brought me a letter from Ma. 27th. Sunday. Up early this morning ~ had bath & went for walk. They came home about 1/2-11 last night. I had precious little sleep between my disturbed feelings & the 2 next door ~ they kept me pretty much awake. Went to church this morning - stayed home at night. Wrote to D. & Alf W. is going to take it for me ~ he goes in the morning. He[underlined] hasn't changed to me either he's a dear fellow ~ said he wouldn't tell on me. He & I went for walk to Mr. Gibson senr. & Mrs W. G. - had some rather personal remarks passed by old Mrs. Kennedy there - "that's not your wife" when we got back Mrs. W. was here

& had been enquiring for him so I told her we had been out walking ~ best to be straight ~ she's not a bit jealous ~ good little soul - Am going home this Sat. come what may ~ told D. so. My little Mother has first place. Glad this is another Sunday gone. Little Jack's birthday. Would have been 5 today. Poor Alf will be feeling it. What a lovely boy he'd have been. Miss Frances Willard is dead!! so papers gave the news this week. Another good woman gone ~ she will be missed. Feel better today - It's his[underlined] being here - 28th. Monday. Up extra early this morning - saw him away with my letter. March 1st. Tuesday. Busy day - not home till 6. Mr G. gave his lecture on N. T. & we went - I felt terribly sleepy but liked it nonetheless. 2nd. Wednesday. Hot these days - up & bath every morning - it's lovely ~ feel all better for it too Lovely night tonight. Went up to Mrs. W. G's. Mrs. Wilde Mrs. T. & I - had nice evening 3rd. Thursday. Mrs W. went home this morning. I like her more than ever - she's very nice to me too ~ think all the more of her for it. Wrote to Ma saying I'd be in on Saturday. Will finish my lace by then. Letter from Ma. She doesn't want me to come home little Alf got typhoid fever - badly too. 4th. Friday. Busy getting lesons &c. over. Came home with a big headache. Threatens rain. 5th. Saturday. Raining again. Sure to when I want to go home. Got home dry however & it started when I got home. No going out - Letter came from D. after dinner. Short & to the point ~ he had been to a "smoke concert". Ah: that's only the commencement Dave - you were not going to anything - I'll go to the wall now. Am not going to fret over it but. It rained like all sorts of things at night - he said he was going to Bingera -(that means too that he didn't want to see me much -) but might not if he did would see me after church Sunday night if not would come round at 7.30. Of course it rained too hard to do either. Dear little Mother. it does comfort me to be with her again. Little Alf better - he was very bad yesterday - I'd have been miserable up there not knowing how things were - thank God the worst is over - he's sleeping now - there's no knowing how he got it either - no other case around. Wrote to Sarah M. this week asking her if she would mind us coming up at Easter for a few days - I might get a week off - must try - A change would do the mother good as well as me. 6th. Sunday. Raining all day & blowing hard. Wragge predicted a disturbance - strange every time I come in. How lovely it will be tomorrow morning. Had nice quiet day tho'. What a miserable time I'd have had at B. 7th. Monday. Up at an unearthly hour this morning - rained pretty much & blew like fun. We left at 4. & after wading through shoals of mud & water got up to the station & had to wait 3/4 of an hour - train left about 1/4 past 5. The river was very high as we crossed - I felt scared - had no idea it was up at all. Noone was at the Siding ~ fortunately Conway the engine man was on the train too & he walked up & sent down the truck for me. I got up soaked with rain up to the knees ~ then the walk home completed me - of course noone expected me - in such weather. Had a holiday tho'. It poured nearly all day. The river here was up 39ft. Quite a picture I practised good lot - both things. Learnt to do stitch on stuff for this afternoon. 8th. Tuesday. School. Nice mess things are in too. Didn't go home to dinner. Miss S. went home. I'll miss her - told her so. she was very kind to me 9th. Wednesday. M. didn't come home till tonight. Says 7 boys are coming up on Sat. [?] & Dave here. 10th. Thursday. Mrs. T. went away this morning home - Gave me an invite to come & see them. Clear day at last. 11th. Friday. Went for ride tonight on Kate's mare. Annie May K. I. [...] & Albert. Coming home Earnest was going to take us a short cut home & led up into a big swamp with a drain in - we had to go ever so far before we got round the drain & it was dark - (we had gone along the town road then into Walker's paddock) we had to scramble round another drain