33412-0001-0054

Mr. Ellison up. Concert tonight. Glad I haven't togo[sic]
letter from Ma - dear little Mother - & one from C. Such a freezing letter. It
froze all the love in my heart up. Can't believe he would ever write such a
letter. Don't believe he would only he was counselled to do it - It's just what
Mrs. T would write under such feelings as she had towards me when I left.
It has given my belief & trust in human nature a severe shock such
as I'll never recover - I'm sorry for that. But in another way my faith
& trust in my Heavenly Friend is made stronger - so it's a blessing. I'm
quite convinced it is for my good that it is so as I've prayed all along only I'm
very sorry that he couldn't have written to me in the same way as I
wrote to him - it would have satisfied me quite to know that even had he
seen it was no use our ever thinking of each other but as friends in
as much as he loved me before. How could you write such a cruel letter
Laddie you who only one year ago promised & vowed that nothing on earth
would ever come between us. Such is the frailty of human love.
11th. Friday. Had only 4 hrs sleep last night - thought - thought - thought
all night. Can't realise it. Truly it was a dream[underlined] with a rude awakening
My[underlined] love is gradually turning into contempt the more I read that letter
the more do I despise him. I'll burn it - never let anyone see it - why
Ma would be indignant. I feel as tho' I'd never speak to him or his mother again
It is her work I'm sure. I dont want the friendship even of such a deceiver.
Feel stunned little yet the peace that the world cannot give is mine thank God
12th Saturday. School today. Sent word by Mr. Ellison yesterday to Grace asking
her to ask at the Shipping Office what time the Burwah left Maryboro for R.
Feel about done up tonight - this week has been a hard one & that shock
coming to me. The more I think of it the more I despise him. thinking of
all he said to me how could he ~ I'd be ashamed to own what he has done ~ Glad
anyway that I wrote as I did : my conscience is clear ~ his isn't I'm sure if he's got one
13th. Sunday. Never went out to-day except to see Mrs. Porter & Mrs. J. Gibson.
Wrote to Jim & unburdened my soul to him. He'll be wild I know. His was
a true prophecy - Jim has a very good insight into character ~ strange that he
should have distrusted him so. I'll evermore trust to Jim's advice. But I can't
realise that Laddie - my Laddie that I loved should have treated me so ~ won't
believe that he ever did ~ but I despise him for having no mind nor will of his own.
14th. Monday. Letter from Ma. Wants me to come quickest way. Letter from
Ivy too. She says there's only a boat leaving Wednesday. I'm sure there's
one on Sat. Mr. G. told me to go to the telephone tomorrow & ask from
the Shipping Office about it. Muriel Blain came up tonight. She is no beauty
15th. Tuesday. Went over to the Office this morning before 12 to ask
about it so they told Mr. W. after asking that the Burwah would leave
M. on Sat. some time. Glad - When I came back found all youngsters
in tears. I left Jessie to take names which she had done - hence tears
Wrote Ma yesterday.
16th. Wednesday. Hard day. Tired. Going to ask to leave off to morrow
as M. & the girls are going down Friday morning.
17th. Thursday. Finishing up to-day. Sent over to Mrs. John to see if she would
mind my breaking up to day & asked Mr. G. also. They both said not at
all so I did nothing loth. We were sent to the body of the Hall as they
had decorated the stage for the Band of Hope. to night. They all went
I minded the baby with Lizzie for company. Was awfully tired but he
was good only I had to nurse him all the time. Packed up after that
It was after 11 when I got to bed.
18th. Friday. Went over early this morning & finished the girls lessons.