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tonight - T's birthday but I didn't want to go : felt too miserable It rained too. Stayed
home & wrote to H. He wont like it I know. Rubbed myself well with turp again
25th. Thursday. Better but throat feels very sore & thick. Verne Scott here
all week. Don't want to see anybody tho' My chest too is very sore
26th. Friday. Better but throat sore yet - hurts me to talk. Wonder I
haven't felt my old enemy tho'. It has been all in my head & throat.
Glad this day is over & this week too. V. S. & M. went to town this
morning. Haven't seen anything at all of Verne but have been so miserable
27th. Saturday. Home all day resting & working. Feel lot better - it's
leaving me now thanks be ~ Letter from Ma last night. Got one from
Edie the night I came up. They are all right. She wants to know
how my little romance is getting on. It will have either to be "on" or "off" soon.
She thinks we have been writing since Xmas as we had arranged.
28th. Sunday. Went not out all day. Had nice time home this morning with
Katie. About 3.30. Mr. W. came & asked me to go down with him to the river
for an outing so I went. We had a good old talk there for nearly 2 hours.
He was very confidential & rather startled me with some of the things he
said. I seem in some way indespensable to his happiness ~ says I am just
like one of his sisters. Can't understand it but there is something & that a
serious something wanting in his marriage relation or he would not feel as he
does. It never entered my head before ~ I thought he treated me just like any
girl he liked but it dawned upon me to-day & forced itself upon me to night
parce qu'il me baisa grand nous nous souhenteres bon nuit. It makes me
feel uncomfortable. It has spoiled my friendship with him too & Can't
feel the same freedom as I did after what passed to-day. Oh : I want to be
a blessing not otherwise & I don't like it & yet I too as he ~ long for love & sympathy.
29th. Monday. Disturbed day. Wish I didn't get so upset. Why am I such.
Feel 'distraite' & queer altogether. Not much sleep last night.
30th. Tuesday. Not much better to-day. Ce soir nous parlâmes longtemps
après que tous les autres se couchèrent ~ à la porte de ma chambre.
All the embarrassed feeling disappeared tho' & I felt more like my old
self. Le pauvre! Malgre moi - meine je ne puis m'empêchés de m'amie.
Il est si amoureux. But why does he want me ~ something must be wrong
31st. Wednesday. Feel not in very amiable mood to-day. These things bother
me. Are they right. Everyone's coming home on Friday night. Strange
il ne montre ni joie, ni attention. il sortit ce soir et je suis tout triste. Il etait sorti ce soir et je
allais dans ma chambre pour lire. Apres quelque temps j'étais suce je
l'entendis hors de ma chambre mais 1st. April Thursday je sentes tout distrait pour
aller voir. Pourquoi n'allait. il pas hitôt. Wrote to Ma to-night &
felt quite homesick ~ & heartsick ~ Went out for lovely ride at tea-time
with Tom & Albert G. Had good old gallop home on Bob. Felt I must get out
somewhere. Am getting morbid. This place has changed for me now & lui aussi ~
2nd. Friday. Elsie's birthday. She had the girls here to tea but Katie was very
sick & I had to give her an injection as last resource. This morning got quite a
scare. Was up early & ~ il venait chez moi ~ et long temps nous parlâmes
et il me consola. C'etait lui le soir dernier. Il n'aima pas me disturbe