Letter from M.H. Beede, dated 1861-08-13

Pawtucket 13 of 8th.mo 1861

My dear friend,

Rachel B. Stevens, as I am fully on the sick list, a retired pensioner; and pretty likely off the roll of the King's army; there are many opportunities found, while shut up in our wn dear home, for a resurvey of scenes once familiar; and for calling again to mind many of those tenderly remembered. Ones, with whom it was, often in years past, my lot to be a greatful sharer of some portion of those priceless blessings which give to society no small share of its interest and its benefit.

In such engagement, I have remembered Montpelier - and its place of dear retreat in my frequent passings; when the really unrestrained revels of the heart in the varied beauties of natural scenery made that rugged land more delightsome than an outspread plain. And of that period, few, indeed are the countenances to be now seen. But there are a few, also, who can, more readily than I, occasionally, turn aside for the moment the veil hanging over the past; and restore it soon; as we would, after surveying some effecting wound replace its careful wrapping, that in quiet and rest all needful healing might go on.

And I now only touch on things of the kind, to let thee know how fully and how tenderly my heart has often been, and yet is, dipped into sympathy with thee and thy beloved ones around thee, earnestly desiring that you may bear in remembrance that the most Gracious Being who gives [grace?], still, as cared-for ones, a little longer stay here; and watches for [you?], over the seasons of your conflict as they pass, rules yet the tempest and controls the storm - He maketh the clous His chariot, and though, because of darkness, unseen, your Lord is there.

Sometimes the past and present and the future may combine to bring upon us a burden of oppression and fear from which we are powerless to arise. But if we may but carry along with us the assurance, that, He that was and is and is to come, is the same yesterday, today and forever; we may; rather I say shall

find that he is good and greatly to be praised - and that His loving kindness is better than Life. Dear Rachel it was shown of old, that, human extremity is the Lord's [deleted] opportunity for working wonderful things for those who put their trust in Him. Never, never, let thy confidence in Him be impaired, whatever [proving?] may be thine.

Thy cry sent upward for thy sons, as they are taking their rank in the world, and the unutterable burden of heart for thy beloved daughters, that their Lord may keep them all near, and lay his hand on them, and bless them, I cannot doubt have found a place before the face of thy Father who is in Heaven; before Him who knoweth the things we stand in need of before we ask Him.

I sometimes think it matters little, in what way our trials may come; as, sure it is, "In this world ye shall have tribulation", if we only be passed over by them into the hands of that most gracious Lord who worketh in us, and with us, and upon us, the work of His Salvation.

Thou wilt persive something of the fullness of that wisdom which suffered the [pent?]-up host of Israel to feel the utter helplessness of their own condition, ere an escape was made for them in the parting sea; that brought hunger to their very souls, ere bread from Heaven came; that permitted them to suffer the agony of enduring thirst, before the Rock of Horeb poured out its Streams. And those wilt see, when, the Prophet went up to Heaven, in a chariot of fire, how fully and enduringly it is proclaimed that there is a final home on High for all those who, in faith, through all their provings, have run their race below.

Such instances speak of a glory that lights up our pathway here; and of a richer glory that eye hath not seen, in a better world to come. And do we ask for more? Look then and behold the Stone rolled back from the Tomb! and a risen and glorified Lord standing forth, with the blessed words: "I ascend to my father and your father, to my God and to your God." Thou, then, and my own heart may believe that, the same crucified Lord, who lay down His life for us, the just for unjust, ever liveth at the right hand of God - that if any man now sin we have an advocate already there to plead our cause. I almost know thou wilt trust

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in such a Lord, when He has told thee, in words that never have been impaired in their fullness of tone, and will not, while there is a soul to be saved; "I will not leave you comfortless" - "I will come again and receive you unto myself."

After so much said, which, certainly I did not intend, on taking the pen, thou wilt look for some account of my case of illness. And I need only say, that, though I have gained some strength, so that I can hold, for a little time, the pen, my ailments, especially in the left side admonish me of steady approach to that period when all that I love and hold dear in this world will be forever parted from. And yet, in unspeakable goodness, no feeling of my heart has been permitted to ask for longer stay. No cloud has been suffered to fall upon that dear view of a better home, where all that is, here, greatly endeared to to me will soon be gathered. And, indeed, what am I, that I should covet a lengthened [tennance?]. I have already been blessed with more years than thousands of far better men.

But in one sense of the word, I am sick of the world - of its ceaseless change; its unending strife; its dehumanizing ambition in its strife for power, where one man's distinction is built, literally, on the crushed bones of thousands. Still, I know there is a possibility of living, "[underline], while in, above[/underline] the world"; when Grace Divine prevails to lift up the head of the humble traveller above the turbulence of this world's stir.

It is too well known that on me, when in comparative comfort and prosperity, the world has sometimes turned its thorny, torturing, side giving anguish and distress and sorrow. But as I now look back upon the past I see that, in my lot, there has been mingled so large a share of sweet domestic good, and in the rather extended course opened for me, there has been afforded so full an enjoyment of social blessings; and added to these, so delightful a sense of things beautiful; and things in their very being harmoniously imparting influences favorable to each other; and so subduing a perception of things wonderful and incomprehensibly great amongst the works of an Allwise hand, that I am held, not altogether an unwilling prisoner, here, until the time of release may come. Still, when the eye is raised