Still Life with Actor's Ass
Jackie Belvin
Monday, January 22, 2001
I have my first audition with my new agent today! It is a print job and a cattle
call, but beggars can't be choosers. Luck is on my side: It is almost directly
across the street from work! I am just going to run across the street, put my
name on the list, go back to work and check the list in about half an hour (tick
tock, tick tock...half an hour passes. So I check back at the audition. A man
steps out from the audition room into the thong of hopefuls inthe waiting area.
He looks around, sizing each person up in .5 seconds, and begins pointing at
each person while interspersing "You can go," "Stay," "Go," and "Sorry." I get a
"You can go" and turn on my heel to head outside, hoping my face isn't actually
turning red (a hazard with the translucent skin). My mind races for about forty
seconds "Why?" "I am not pretty enough- thin enough- and the worst...ethnic
enough." Talk about things you can't hlep. Then I realize that it wasn't that at
all. based on whome
they asked me to stay to Fuzzy picture of Jackie, cute
audition for this
computer brochure, I
was probably too pretty
(said with a pinched
face, squinty eyes and
tight lips) i.e.: too
actressy and too young
...and not ethnic
looking. So I put away
the mental wooden
paddle, whip, and
chain. I note how good
this turned out. Not
only did I not have to
drive for an hour each
way to get to this
audition, but also I
didn't have to sit
around for two hours
either when I wasn't
going to get the job
anyway.
44 Geek Weekly #9
EN