(seq. 14)

He had alway s been a little romantic had dreamed of an ideal
love & all that but since it had become clear to him that there
was little probability of his realizing his ideal of himself he had
told himself that love was not for him that he was not fit for
the kind of girl that he wanted & that the kind he might have
he didn't care for Before Except May he had never known anyone who had
tempted him It h[?]k his resolution & until that night he had not
supposed that he had that kind of feeling for her. He had seen
her very frequently for four months & he had enjoyed talking
with her being near her but it was only when there was danger of
her being taken away that he realized knew that she had come to be
the first & best interest in his life. He was obliged to admit this
to himself that she was so much to him it was no use to fight
against the conviction he was certain that if he were [someone?]
[like?] a man in Mr. Saunder's position for instance he would
go the next day & ask her to be his wife. And that thought brought
him to wondering what he was going to do. It would absurd for him
to think of marrying under any circumstances if things were
different though at that he did not know that May cared in the
least for him will makeno little difference for then he would have a
right to try to make her love him but now heas it was and he must not
attempt to do that In a way it seemed ridiculous to even stop to
think count of the reasons why he should not think of her being his wife
they were so many & yet an [increase?] math hoping against hope
made him go over them again & again. In the first place the