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al in politics, I sholuld almost dread seeing myself in some future edition of the Jacobiniad.
The effects of my preaching you may imagine from the following circumstances. My sermons were on the evidence of Xnty. Some, as if unable to face me down to it, turned their backs. Others were so stunned by the thunder of my eloquence, that they fell asleep. But as I gave the last fire, I believe those, who stood their grounbd, were pretty cautious not to give me occasion to renew my attack.
By the way, Dr Tappan has sent me word, that I may go to Hampton. I have not seen him. I cannot go yet. I have no horse. And I don't know, as that you will let me have one. If I had, I should not go at present.
Yesterday I dined at Esq. W's with Mesers M. & O. Everett & Harris. In such company, at a house where hospitality reigns, & where every countenance is cheerfulness, you
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must suppose, I had more than one kind of feast. At table the conversation turned on the subject of the "Georgia lands." I must confess, I was but little interested in this, & paid but indifferent attention to the remarks, it occasionedl As soon as propriety allowed, I accompanied the ladies, Mr Harris & Mr Wales into another room, & we sought relief from the barrenness of the conversation in some sprightly songs. Miss E. was dressed to the greatest advantage. When I say this, you will not suppose, that she had been four hours under the barber's hand, that she had squandered four more at the glass, & that she was ornamented with the richest attire set off with gauzes, ribbons &c. &c. &c. No. Her dress was a black silk, and a beaver hat. I could hardly keep my eyes from her. Every conclusion respecting her dress was, that it
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was admirably calculated to exhibit her modesty, beauty of form & face, & every other accomplishment to the greatest advantage.
Miss E. read me a few passages in your last respecting a conquest. Had it been from almost any other, person, I should have concluded that he chose me for the Jonathan of the farce. For that awkwardness, I felt & wh, I think, must have appeared to the ladies at H. would much better suit that, than any other character. My charity, however, led me to conclude, that you only made me the innocent subject of a little harmless diversion.
I have lately had some conversation with Mr Hill, a Swedenborgean from England. He says, he is acquainted with you. I think, he is a very sensible man, but a great enthusiast. I am puzzled, how any man, in this age of infidelity, can believe all the pretences of the Baron S.
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He has made, and I am astonished, a warm convert of my classmate Brown. B. goes so far as to say, that he has cause of perpetual gratitude to the Supreme Being for painting him to a System, wh affords him so much satisfaction.
My friend, I am greatly obliged to you for the friendly remarks, you were so good as to make in your last. No exertion on my part shall be wanting to render them serviceable. You apologize in the P. S. for making my prospects appear too moderate. I should despise myself if the frank remarkes, of a [ ] needed any apology. I [ ] enrolled in 1 list of cand[ ] My prospects are to me "dark as Erebus." I will frankly confess to you, my friend, one article of selfknowledge, wh is, that I have much more ambition than genius or abilities. You will pardon the apparent gloominess, when I add, that should my days on earth be numbered in youth, I should leave a world, where I have much to dread, little to hope. But should my life be spared, I shall do what I can to render myself useful & comfortable, & one great source of my happiness will arise from being ever able to subscribe myself your very sincere
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No 15. [My letter paper is at Dorch.] Milton, May 13th 1796.
My dear friend,
Your's of the 25th ult. I did not receive till last evening. Tho old it had not lost its flavor. It did good, like a medicine. By curing me of the hypo', it cheered my Spirits. I thank you kindly, that you take So feeling a part in what most highly interests me. I never doubted the Sincerity of your friendship. Every interview, every letter is an acceptable pledge of its continuance from you, & increases its ardor in my breast. May it be as lasting, as my wishes! May it equal "the love of women!" The expressions of it you manifest by your anxiety for my welfare seem peculiarly seasonable at this eventful period of my life. You desire me to write a circumstantial account of myself, since our last union of souls. It is a barren subject. A dull tedious uniformity has run through every week. But, stop. I have passed through some of the most interesting scenes of a minister's life. A family of reputation & respectability has lost three promising children, of the years of 16, 9, & 3. Three of their remaining children were reduced to the very brink of the grave. Their disorder was the throat distemper. It has since entered two other families; but has left no victims. This distressed family live three miles from my lodgings. I visited them often, & enjoyed a melancholy kind of pleasure in pouring into their afflicted bosoms the balm of consolation. In the heat of feeling I threw together a few desultory thoughts on resignation, wh proved the most popular discourse
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I have delivered. The oldest was a daughter, on whom the family placed great dependence. She was of a beautiful countenance & polished mind.
"Insatiate archer! Could not one Suffice? "Thy dart flew thrice & thrice" their "peace was Slain."
Respecting "the days of my ministration" I can only tell you, that I am engaged till the last Monday in June. Whether they will then say any thing to me about settling, time alone must unfold. I cannot think they will give me a call, as they have rejected so many good men. I did not think it possible for me to form such habits of indolence, as now hang about me. I am not easy, unless I am doing nothing, & then I am very uneasy. I brought eleven discourses with me, have preached them all, & am now obliged to write two a week. This is too great a hardship, as I have to visit the sick & well nearly every afternoon. It leaves me but a precious little time to read. You wish me "a larger field." I have now a much larger one, than I can till. I am fearful, if I should encounter a large one, it would all run to weeds.
You mention Bedford ordination. I could not have been happier, than to have met you there, especially, as I might there have been gratified with the performance of our beloved Dr. T. You can hardly raise him higher in my opinion than he now stands. I always exhaust "hyperbole" in Speaking of him. His lecture, you mention, I have read. In it, I recognize the Doctor; but fancy, I see him in haste, with but little time to digest, prune &c.
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Ah! You mention Nabby. I was afraid, you had forgotten her. You could not, in so short an interview, form any tolerable idea of her. I have visited her once, since I saw you. Her anxiety for me endears her more than ever to my heart. Her resemblance to Eunice (excuse my partiality, I mean in disposition,), makes me very desirous, that they as well as we should be neighbors. We should all be too happy. I repeat my suspicions, that I shall not be settled these six years. Who knows, but ini that period there may be a good opening in your quarters!
Respecting E. I can give you but little information. I have not been there these several weeks. In my preent confined state I have to relinquish every pleasure but that of doing good. I am sorry, I cannot do this with a better relish. I can only inform you, that she & the whole family are very much distressed for Mrs Henshaw. I suspect they do not, yet, know her dange[ ]r Holbrook tells me, he should not wonder to hea[ ] death immediately. It must be a severe loss [ ] family. Few mothers, I may venture to say, are [ ] caressed. Will not this unfortunate sickness delay your nuptials? You say not a word to me on the aubject. Pray, do not withhold confidence in me.
I stole time enough to attend Camb. exhib. (at wh time I called at the Esqr's.) They performed admirably well. We shall have a fine commencement. I depend much on meeting you there, & renewing our annual visit. As to your horse, do give me the refusal of him, as long as you conveniently can. I have but little use for one, at present. But if I should go farther, it would be absolutely necessary for me to purchase one. Can I then have yours? You will do every thing consistent to oblige me. My short interview at H. afforded me pleasure, wh I wish to renew & increase. I have little doubt, that an opportunity will soon present for this purpose, when you may expect to find a sincere & unalterable friend in your
Philos
P.S. As to politics I can only inform you, that in Roxbury, Dorchester, & Milton, a considerable majority would have been glad to have had the House withhold treaty supplies. Dorchester have chosen as representatives, Howe, & Col. S[ ]an, two genuine Sons of Robespierre.
