| (seq. 35)[fol. 1r; column s]
No 14. Dorchester.
March 9th 1796.
My good friend,
On leaving H.
I made something like a promise
to write the next week. But as
you did not very strenuously in-
sist on its performance, & as my
mind has been in a state of
unusual anxiety, you will not
think me unreasonable. You
will not wonder at the cause
of my anxiety, when I inform you,
that, for these ten days, I have
had the measles . . . . in
expectancy. But just as my
apprehensions were subsiding, &
I began to think myself so for-
tunate, or rather unfortunate
as to have escaped the disor-
der, my little brother broke
out with it. So I have only
to have it over again. I wish
that, like other people, I could
have the measles but once. For
I have had them so many
times, in imagination, that
I almost dread the reality.
Another cause of my *flus-
teration was the thought of preach-
ing. Will you believe me? I
had engaged to preach for Mr
Harris, the first Sabbath in March,
if not confined by sickness. The
*Vide vulg. dictionary.
[fol. 1r; column d]
day came, & I, without inform-
ing even my father's family
of my design, mounted the
Sacred Rostrum. The unexpec-
tedness of the event, the singu-
larity of the circumstance, and
their diffidence of my success
threw confusion into the coun-
tenances of all my friends. Ev-
en Mr H. trembled, as if an ague
fit was upon him. Wherever
I cast my eye, I thought, I
saw looks of pity. What could
I, amid this general distrust
of me, but distrust myself. I
had formed, in my opinion,
pretty strong resolutions of
self command. At the critical
moment they all failed; my
knees smote together, like Bel-
shazzan'; & my heart beat, as
if too confined within its usual
sphere. How I looked, no mor-
tal can tell! For some said
I was white; others, red; & some,
forsooth, seriously declared, I
looked black. Be that as it
may. I honestly believe, that
at my first breaking silence,
I should have been an amus-
ing subject for a caricature.
They might have represented
me with every nerve in
my frame upon a dance.
Indeed as it is, were I antifeder- | (seq. 35)[fol. 1r; column s]
No 14. Dorchester.
March 9th 1796.
My good friend,
On leaving H.
I made something like a promise
to write the next week. But as
you did not very strenuously in-
sist on its performance, & as my
mind has been in a state of
unusual anxiety, you will not
think me unreasonable. You
will not wonder at the cause
of my anxiety, when I inform you,
that, for these ten days, I have
had the measles . . . . in
expectancy. But just as my
apprehensions were subsiding, &
I began to think myself so for-
tunate, or rather unfortunate
as to have escaped the disor-
der, my little brother broke
out with it. So I have only
to have it over again. I wish
that, like other people, I could
have the measles but once. For
I have had them so many
times, in imagination, that
I almost dread the reality.
Another cause of my *flus-
teration was the thought of preach-
ing. Will you believe me? I
had engaged to preach for Mr
Harris, the first Sabbath in March,
if not confined by sickness. The
*Vide vulg. dictionary.
[fol. 1r; column d]
day came, & I, without inform-
ing even my father's family
of my design, mounted the
Sacred Rostrum. The unexpec-
tedness of the event, the singu-
larity of the circumstance, and
their diffidence of my success
threw confusion into the coun-
tenances of all my friends. Ev-
en Mr H. trembled, as if an ague
fit was upon him. Wherever
I cast my eye, I thought, I
saw looks of pity. What could
I, amid this general distrust
of me, but distrust myself. I
had formed, in my opinion,
pretty strong resolutions of
self command. At the critical
moment they all failed; my
knees smote together, like Bel-
shazzan'; & my heart beat, as
if too confined within its usual
sphere. How I looked, no mor-
tal can tell! For some said
I was white; others, red; & some,
forsooth, seriously declared, I
looked black. Be that as it
may. I honestly believe, that
at my first breaking silence,
I should have been an amus-
ing subject for a caricature.
They might have represented
me with every nerve in
my frame upon a dance.
Indeed as it is, were I antifeder- |