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eats the crushed bulb (more breaking glass). As the dog exits stage left, its anus
starts glowing. And the audience gasps -- not for the last time.

We have not yet mentioned the odyssey into the child pornography
business that we were about to take. Oh, yes, they had controtionists -- in
thongs, no less. Twelve-year old girls captured our fascination with ... well,
their thongs. We watched, half embarrassed, as barley (if that) legal girls did a
risqué show for us. The first time, we watched as two men took the
contortionists's legs and ran in a circle around her. They twisted her legs in a
fashion not unlike the Charleston and yet unlike the Charleston as she was
laying on her back and her legs moved in an orbit that couldn't have been
natural. To this we said "Ohhh" and "Ahhh". Then she stood and turned her back
to us and we stared into her twelve-year-old ass. The audience gasped. After this
we thought the pornographic bit, which was slightly questionable as a kid's
event, had ended, but no. We were treated to two more acts of unholy body
manipulation, which we did not expect. These women folded themselves in half
in a way that would snap the spine of an ordinary person. Perhpas we were
inexperienced in the field of contortion, as it was our first time to see such a
thing live. It's impossible to describe the series of twists that followed. Needless
to say, the audience gasped many more times, occassionally due to the amazing
feats and occassionally due to ... well the thongs. Twelve-year-olds, dude.
All in all, it was not what we were expecting to see. It was advertised as a
56 cat, three dog show. We saw 20 cats, max. We expected juggling cats or at
least cats getting juggled. At best, cats jumping through fire hopps, cats in
costumed glory begging for our cheers. But what we came out with was educa-
tional (sort of) and strangely entertaining. Surreal, to say the least, and in the
end, isn't that what really matters?

Spring 2001
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