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Chronicle basement. You can denounce Lollapalooza, I commend you for that, but to dismiss every band that played because they were noisy and sloppy and had too much feedback? ...um, hello, yeah, it is supposed to sound that way sometimes. You know, I'll bet some of those bands wrote some of that sloppiness and noise into those songs. I was watchin' this movie about some big concert called Woodstock from before Lollipop-loser and I'll be damned if some of those smelly ol'hippies didn't sound noisy and sloppy...but, oh, yeah, they were ending an unjust war and now, thanks to them (and Tom Petty, Todd Rundgren and certain others) everything is okay now so won't everyone just settle down?

Maybe it's a good thing that Lester Bangs passed on before he had time to decide that he didn't really like the Count Five that much after all, and that Van Morrison was still putting out great albums. If this 'sloppiness' is so 'disrespectful' to its audience, does that mean that Joe Satriani is better than Neil Young and Bob Dylan? If you fart into a paper bag and throw it off of the Sears Tower, will it fall faster than a sock filled with toothpaste? It's a good thing that everyone knows that rock journalism is just selfcongratulatory back-slapping and thinly-disguised marketing and advertising and that writers are coat-tail-riding sycophants who just want to get into everything for free.

So have fun in Dallas -- you belong there, not with us. I mean I just want what's best for you. So write your little Andy Rooney gripe column, soon to be compiled into a best-seller little book and you're beautiful, baby, really, I mean it....

Ciao!

Sincerely,
Oswald Caligula, III
(coat-tail-riding sycophant)

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