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[Newspaper clipping]

THE GREAT SECRET.

The're no diseases anymore that
cannot soon be cured,
You can't make any money when you
get your life insured;
Don't worry for your family, they
will never be bereft:
SO many things can now be cured,
the're no diseases left;
Though ills (obnoxious word)
Used to prey on beast and bird,
That time is gone forever, so physi-
cians have averred.
They have cured, so I am told,
All the fatal ills of old,
With the possible exception of an
ordinary cold.

If you have appendicitis, that is
nothing more than fun,
And a case of diabetes isn't feared
by anyone;
Polycystics and nephritis, menin-
gitis too, have gone;
All these ills with names peculiar,
cured forever and anon;
But a cold remains a curse;
It keeps getting worse and worse,
Playing havoc with your temper, your
appearance, and your purse,
Doctors charge outrageous fees
Curing every rare disease,
But I'll give a million dollars if they'll
cure me of my sneeze.