(seq. 35)

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[fol. 1r; column s]

No 14. Dorchester.
March 9th 1796.

My good friend,

On leaving H.
I made something like a promise
to write the next week. But as
you did not very strenuously in-
sist on its performance, & as my
mind has been in a state of
unusual anxiety, you will not
think me unreasonable. You
will not wonder at the cause
of my anxiety, when I inform you,
that, for these ten days, I have
had the measles . . . . in
expectancy. But just as my
apprehensions were subsiding, &
I began to think myself so for-
tunate, or rather unfortunate
as to have escaped the disor-
der, my little brother broke
out with it. So I have only
to have it over again. I wish
that, like other people, I could
have the measles but once. For
I have had them so many
times, in imagination, that
I almost dread the reality.

Another cause of my *flus-
teration
was the thought of preach-
ing. Will you believe me? I
had engaged to preach for Mr
Harris, the first Sabbath in March,
if not confined by sickness. The
*Vide vulg. dictionary.

[fol. 1r; column d]

day came, & I, without inform-
ing even my father's family
of my design, mounted the
Sacred Rostrum. The unexpec-
tedness of the event, the singu-
larity of the circumstance, and
their diffidence of my success
threw confusion into the coun-
tenances of all my friends. Ev-
en Mr H. trembled, as if an ague
fit was upon him. Wherever
I cast my eye, I thought, I
saw looks of pity. What could
I, amid this general distrust
of me, but distrust myself. I
had formed, in my opinion,
pretty strong resolutions of
self command. At the critical
moment they all failed; my
knees smote together, like Bel-
shazzan'; & my heart beat, as
if too confined within its usual
sphere. How I looked, no mor-
tal can tell! For some said
I was white; others, red; & some,
forsooth, seriously declared, I
looked black. Be that as it
may. I honestly believe, that
at my first breaking silence,
I should have been an amus-
ing subject for a caricature.
They might have represented
me with every nerve in
my frame upon a dance.
Indeed as it is, were I antifeder-

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RCH in KZ

For consistency, I have continued to mark the exterior/address surface of this document as "Fol. 1v". The page of initial writing is then marked as "Fol. 2r", etc. This letter is different from all previous letters in this series in regard as how the paper is folded for use. This has resulted in two columns of writing on each page, which are identified as "column s" and "column d" (for sinister, left, and dexter, right)